When foundations of love crumble and take a fall
emotional numbness develops till the subconscious creates a wall.
Every brick presents a form of pain, layered in thick cement
with intents to take charge and safeguard a wounded heart.
years pass,
and fear has our thought wary,
very difficult bear a clear path.
When approached by someone sincere,
known to shift gears and veer fast, as if we’re the flame that’s near gas.
The trauma is so severe, while reaching hope for love;
decent folks get treated like mere trash.
Sort of find, petty reasons to draw the line
criticism start to form in minds
how every misstep’s a warning sign.
It seems people gradually, grown so used to toxic atmosphere,
now positive settings seem foreign and deemed boring.
Impulse to rekindle old flames is next to rise
yet ponder, why return to the source where stress derived.
Time to turn grief to perseverance- stop the aim for sympathy
remain in misery or take shots to gain a victory.
Experience exists to guide and teach,
providing each person with life lessons to mange, not turn sorrow to baggage.
We have two critical roles to possibly serve in life
either become “Damaged Goods” or “Quality Merchandise”.
We could linger- play victim like nothing at all matters
or rather keep swinging hammers till this accursed wall shatters.
Analysis on "Wall"
Within the realm of love, it’s a universal fact that no one departs from relationships unscathed. This analysis will focus on subconscious defense mechanisms that can arise as a result of emotional pain. And I will also delve into obstacles individuals may endure, while attempting to breaking through psychological barriers for potential love.
When relationships or emotional connection comes to an end, the pain can lead to emotional numbness as a way to protect oneself from further hurt as the subconscious mind may then create a metaphorical wall. Each brick in this wall can symbolize past emotional wounds, disappointments, betrayals, or any other negative experiences that have contributed to the pain being felt. The thick cement that holds the bricks together can represent the strong defenses and barriers that are erected to shield oneself from further emotional harm. However, while these defenses may initially provide a sense of safety, they can also contribute to emotional detachment and hinder the ability to fully experience and engage in future relationships or connections. Exploring and understanding the pain behind each brick, and gradually dismantling the wall, can be a part of the healing process.
Lingering Fear
It appears that after experiencing emotional pain and building defensive walls, the passage of time has left a lingering fear and uncertainty. This fear can make it challenging to see a clear path forward. When someone genuine and sincere approaches, there is a tendency to overreact and respond by quickly changing directions, as if they are a potential source of danger or further pain. The subconscious defenses that were established as a protective mechanism may still be active, causing a hypersensitivity to potential threats. Even when encountering someone who may genuinely care, the fear and past wounds can lead to instincts to distancing oneself. This response is a natural self-preservation instinct, but it can also prevent the possibility of building new connections and finding love again.
When we’ve been deeply hurt, it’s common to develop hypervigilance and a heightened sensitivity to any potential signs of danger or betrayal. This can cause a distorted perception of others’ intentions and actions, leading to unnecessary criticism. The severity of the trauma may lead to treating even well-meaning individuals poorly, perceiving them as flawed or expecting the worst from them. This can manifest as finding petty instances or minor mistakes as reasons to draw a line and criticize others, as a way to avoid disappointment.
Love-chasing Obstacles
On the other side of the equation, I experienced dilemmas while attempting to aid in breaking a past victim’s wall of despair. My goal presented an uphill battle when the scorned individual proved to be difficult by seemingly placing the bricks back in position. Patience, understanding, and support are essential components to building a strong foundation, as I conveyed my intentions clearly and compassionately. While my intentions, as a hopeless romantic, may have been genuine and caring, I learned that pushing her too soon or trying to forcefully dismantle her wall can cause further harm or reinforce defensive mechanisms.
Suddenly I was scrutinized and my missteps were labeled as warning signs, as a means to justify her impulsive reactions and establishing exit strategies. This behavior was challenging and hurtful to experience, as it felt like my actions were being unfairly magnified and used against me. After doing some self-assessment, reevaluating my self worth and recognizing my limitations of dealing with a scorned individual’s deep rooted trauma, I decided to read the writings on the wall, trust my instincts and respected her to decision to part ways.
If you find that someone’s pain is overwhelming or negatively impacting your own emotional health, it may be necessary to reassess the dynamics of the relationship. When you witness someone who appears deeply wounded from past love, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. While it is admirable to want to support and help someone in pain, it should never come at the expense of your own well-being or allow their pain to damage and break you. While chasing love, we should always maintain a sense of self and not lose sight of your own needs and boundaries in the process. You cannot single-handedly heal someone else’s wounds. Each person is ultimately responsible for their own healing journey.
Complex Transition
When someone has experienced toxic or negative environments for a lengthy period of time, it can create a pattern of familiarity and adaptation to such atmospheres. As a result, positive and healthy dynamics may feel unfamiliar or even boring to them. In toxic environments, there can be a certain level of excitement, intensity, or drama that becomes associated with relationships. When transitioning to a more positive setting, these elements may be absent or significantly reduced. As a result, the individual might perceive positive environments as lacking the stimulation and excitement they have become accustomed to, causing them to view such settings as foreign or uninteresting.
“These walls are funny. First you hate ’em, then you get used to ’em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That’s institutionalized.”- Quote by Morgan Freeman from the film Shawshank Redemption.
A more simplistic analogy towards this transition would be convicts whose been institutionalized after years of imprisonment. At some point, they may feel pressured of no longer being able to function in the outside world once they’ve been released then forced to repeat a vicious cycle by committing more crimes to maintain in familiar territory. Subconsciously, there may be a tendency to gravitate towards what is known and familiar, even if it means returning to toxic dynamics, leading to impulsive desire to rekindle old flames or situations for dependency.
A common consequence of being in toxic relationships is the normalization of unhealthy behavioral patterns. When someone is repeatedly exposed to toxicity, they may start to perceive these behaviors as normal or acceptable. Over time, they might adopt these patterns, leading to unnecessary conflicts , manipulation, emotional turmoil or other harmful behaviors becoming a part of their new reality. This phenomenon is known as “learned behavior” or “conditioning,” where repeated exposure to certain actions or responses can shape an individual’s behavior, identity and beliefs. Choosing to surround yourself with positive influences and healthy relationships can also facilitate the process of breaking free from toxic conditioning. By being around individuals who model healthy behaviors, you can gain valuable insights and inspiration for your own growth. Creating healthy boundaries and learning to differentiate between past wounds and present realities is crucial for forming a new relationship based on trust and mutual respect.
Matchmakers and well-intentioned individuals may indeed face challenges when trying to connect unhealed individuals who have been deeply wounded in love with potential partners. While their intentions may be good, they should consider the emotional readiness and healing process of the scorned individuals involved. Their emotional guardedness or unresolved issues might prevent them from fully appreciating the positive qualities of the potential partner, even if that person is a good match for them. When someone has experienced significant emotional trauma, there is a risk that their unhealed pain may affect their interactions by inadvertently projecting their insecurities, or mistrust onto the new person who genuinely cares for them.
Swing the Hammer
“Swinging hammers until the accursed wall shatters” represents the perseverance and determination to overcome past pain. It symbolizes the effort and commitment required to break down the emotional barriers and move forward. Choosing to pursue new love can be a courageous step, but should not be seen as a means to fill a void or escape from one’s pain.
When going through the healing process, it can be empowering for scorned individuals to shift their mindset, so instead of seeking sympathy or remaining in a perpetual state of bitterness or misery, they can choose to channel their emotions by overcoming their past with a renewed sense of hope. By letting go of the emotional baggage associated with past sorrows, we create space for new possibilities, personal growth, and the pursuit of happiness. This does not mean forgetting our experiences or dismissing their impact, but rather releasing the negative emotional attachments that can hold us back.
Embracing an optimistic mindset enables us to transform our experiences into valuable wisdom that can guide us in making better choices. Remember, healing is a journey, and it takes time so it becomes possible to break free from the confines of past heartaches which may involve self-assessing, setting realistic expectations, and practicing effective communication to create a brighter and more fulfilling future.